So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
