just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
