I faked an abortion last night.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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