Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
