May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
