i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
