forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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