So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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