just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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