Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
