This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
