I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
