I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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