people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
