I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
