dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
