My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
