Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
