Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
