420 ftw
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
