how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
