im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
