The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
