I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
