I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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