Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
