Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
