You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Houston, we have a blender
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
