Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's official drugs can't kill me
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
