you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
What happened to fro yo and sex?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
