i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Randomize
