whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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