I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
