she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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