get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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