You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
40s are totally the cure
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
