I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
