he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
