i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
