So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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