hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my being single is dangerous.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
