I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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