Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
