Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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