i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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