We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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