I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
