using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
