Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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