I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I love having hate sex.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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