There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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